Hell no, risotto! The Campaign Against Risotto

14 Sep

Hell no, risotto

Listen here, restauranteurs of the world. Down your pans for a moment, if you please, maestro chef.

Sloppy rice is not the only thing you can feed a person who does not eat meat.

For too long vegetarians have looked down the list of courses on menus to find risotto as the only thing they can consume. For too many meals non-meat-eaters have had to swallow the loathing of carnivorous chefs, cursing their un-introduced names, with each mushy bite of the once exciting Italian rice dish.

Culinary masters of London, there are things in this world that are not meat which are also not risotto.

Courgettes are not risotto. Pulses also, not risotto. Noodles, tofu, eggplant, mushrooms, corn, sweet potato, polenta, artichokes, pies even – all are not risotto. There are so many foods in this world which are not risotto, yet in some bizarre conspiracy against they who abstain from flesh, the good chefs of London seem to have come together, no doubt in some dark meat freezer, surrounded by the glistening caracasses of hanging pigs, and decided over nibbles of trotters and ears that after quiche had a very good run, risotto shall now be the vegetarian option. Everywhere. ‘Let them eat risotto!’, they all laugh, clink their silver goblets and then go about the far more interesting business of what else they can do with steak.

Well, we have had enough. And not just us – not everyone who wants to meat wants to eat it always, at every meal, at every restaurant, pub and cafe.

Clearly, there’s not much we can do except not eat the risotto. There is also unlikely to be many chefs who, at the end of their shift, look at the coagulated trough of rice and think ‘Shit, have they revolted? My god, the vegetarians are fighting back, get me the tempeh!’.

But, Man Woman has had enough. We can no longer sit in sloppy silence. We will be keeping a Risotto Watch of those places which show such disdain, lack of hospitality and imagination to keep risotto as the one and only vegetable option.

We’ve started a little angry Facebook group, The Campaign Against Risotto. Join it if you want to share good places, bad places and your general thoughts on life and the state of the Galapagos.

(And stop being such cheap buggers. Rice is cheaper than sea bass, we know that. Stop charging us the same price)

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